i already hear my dad disowning me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
