We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
