my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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