i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize