We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize