am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
