Im at strip club and am horny
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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