she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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