i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lost the right to judge tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
