im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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