I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He passed out mid-signature
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
