i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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