So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
