he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
