dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
