im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
