The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
