A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
