I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
