Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
