hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
