So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
