Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
