So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
