He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want a musical about memes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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