Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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