im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
