Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
