If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
