You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
