You smell like stripper and shame
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
