I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize