your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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