Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
