Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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