Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Come on in and take your pants off
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