She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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