um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
