I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
