did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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