i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
