you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
