I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize