I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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