girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
