Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
