I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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