i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
