apparently the secret to your success is patron
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
