You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
