1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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