Your tits are I can't wait for
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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