stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
