Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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