You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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