remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
