hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
