never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
