The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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