after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
