White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize