if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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