I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
