im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
