If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
zippers are such a cool invention
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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