what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
