my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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