My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
