Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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