there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
