Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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