How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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