drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
