Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
