why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dick has a subreddit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
