you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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