Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
