you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
