so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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